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3 STAR MICHELIN TIRE RATING: REVOKED!

02/11/2014

Since their omission of the wonderfully elastic Azodiacarbonamide, a food additive also used in foams, plastics and Joan River's face, Subway's three Star Michelin Tire rating will be stripped away from them and given to the world's largest rubber band ball instead.

Representatives at Subway were busy boxing up their belongings but we were able to find one Meat & Cheese Application Technician in our local Subway establishment who said this, "what's prociutto?".  

In defense of the rating repeal, the Michelin Office Of Bestowment Services or MOOBS, released a comprehensive list of their requirements to attain a 5 star status and stated that "Although our business is rubber, our provisions are not flexible.  And since all rubber ingredients have been removed entirely from Subway's signature bread, they will no longer qualify for our three star tire rating".  

Michelin seems to have been "rubbered" the wrong way by Subway's chemical omission, stating that, in addition to the award repeal, they will also be removing the bread from their tires.  Representatives over at Michelin's actual restaurant guide snidely added "People who like to eat rubber live in subways"

We'll keep you updated as this story grows stale.