Chocolate Starfish Anybody?
Every party needs a pooper and, now with these delectable chocolate anuses, you can throw a party chock full of chocolatey poopers! But somebody oughta tell these guys that Chocolate anuses are usually not the edible kind.
Man, first candy cigarettes and now blue meth rock candy. Willy Wonka's rolling in his grave... that he didn't think of this first! Now we can sell rock candy with our oregano. Buy yours here: Breaking Bad Blue Meth Rock Candy
Who's America's number one alcoholic hero, besides David Hasselhoff? That's right, Homer J! Just like when you were a kid and wanted to "chew" whatever the baseball players were chewing, now you can drink what ail's your new hero, Homer Simpson: Duff Beer. Buy it here: Duff Beer
Boobs Ice Luge
In Austria this is just a luge that your lady friends slide down, bare breasts first. But here in America, it's a block of ice shaped like your moms' teats so you can suckle the night away with your Halo group.
What's better than those little, freeze dried cereal marshmallows that look like tasty alien turds? Well, a whole fucking bag of them, of course! Who needs a swimming pool filled with gold and diamonds when you can fill it with these! Buy 'em here: cereal marshmallows
And what's better than cereal marshmallows?
We used to roast them by the fire at Camp Waconda. Something we all loved from our childhood. Something that could never ever possibly destroy us. Go get your own, here: Stay Puft Marshmallows!
We happen to agree that far too many Americans have become big babies with their baby bottles full of Poland Springs and adult diapers but this should slow 'em down a little. Look no further, they're ovah heeah: Blk Water
This isn't going to stop us from dipping our bacon strips in our morning pepsi. Get your 6 pack here: Bacon Soda
Breast Milk Lollipops
Somebody lost a bet.
First, Alternating Current is invented and now this! Edible spray paint wins our award for "Fuck, that's awesome! Now, what do we do with it?". First thing we're going to do: spray paint our green eggs yellow. Buy it here: Edible Spray Paint
We did it all for the cookie
We've always associated cookies with a different part of a lady's anatomy, but boobies? Here's the place to get 'em: FCup Cookies
How to Cook Your Dragon
We always dreamt that if we were attacked by a giant python that he would be made of delicious gummy. Buy that shit, here: Gummy Python
Time will fly with your new Gin & Whiskey Advent Calendar
Remember Christmas time when you made it two days before eating every chocolate santa in the family advent calendar? Well, live that nostalgia again, like a big kid, by flying through the month with daily shots of artisanal gin or manly whiskey. You're not an alcoholic you're just a chronophile.
Han Solo Carbonite Chocolate
Well, you know what they say "If you can't save 'im, eat 'im."
No, these are not doused in arsenic, they just have fucked up fortunes. By fucked up, we mean real, man.
Although fortune cookies really are sexy enough, they have actually gotten sexier. We saved a couple bucks by just improvising fucked up shit as we pretended to read our friends fortunes to them, like "Fuck you asshole" or "Poop face". You're just a click away from a box of your own, here: X Rated Fortune Cookies
Genius, but the name is a bit repetitive, we believe it can be narrowed down to simply "Hot Sauce". Get cleansing! Buy it here: Colon Cleanser Hot Sauce
No more picking glass out of your gums, now they've invented cups were actually made to be eaten. It's a miracle!