Chocolate Starfish Anybody?


Every party needs a pooper and, now with these delectable chocolate anuses, you can throw a party chock full of chocolatey poopers!  But somebody oughta tell these guys that Chocolate anuses are usually not the edible kind.  




Breaking Bad Blue Meth Rock Candy


Man, first candy cigarettes and now blue meth rock candy.  Willy Wonka's rolling in his grave... that he didn't think of this first!  Now we can sell rock candy with our oregano. Buy yours here: Breaking Bad Blue Meth Rock Candy





Duff Beer

Who's America's number one alcoholic hero, besides David Hasselhoff?  That's right, Homer J!  Just like when you were a kid and wanted to "chew" whatever the baseball players were chewing, now you can drink what ail's your new hero, Homer Simpson: Duff Beer.  Buy it here: Duff Beer




Boobs Ice Luge

In Austria this is just a luge that your lady friends slide down, bare breasts first. But here in America, it's a block of ice shaped like your moms' teats so you can suckle the night away with your Halo group.




Cereal Marshmallows

What's better than those little, freeze dried cereal marshmallows that look like tasty alien turds? Well, a whole fucking bag of them, of course!  Who needs a swimming pool filled with gold and diamonds when you can fill it with these!  Buy 'em here: cereal marshmallows


And what's better than cereal marshmallows?  



Stay Puft Marshmallows!

We used to roast them by the fire at Camp Waconda.  Something we all loved from our childhood.  Something that could never ever possibly destroy us.  Go get your own, here: Stay Puft Marshmallows!




African American Water

We happen to agree that far too many Americans have become big babies with their baby bottles full of Poland Springs and adult diapers but this should slow 'em down a little.  Look no further, they're ovah heeah: Blk Water




Bacon Soda

This isn't going to stop us from dipping our bacon strips in our morning pepsi.  Get your 6 pack here: Bacon Soda




Breast Milk Lollipops

Somebody lost a bet.



Edible Spray Paint

First, Alternating Current is invented and now this!  Edible spray paint wins our award for "Fuck, that's awesome! Now, what do we do with it?".  First thing we're going to do: spray paint our green eggs yellow.  Buy it here: Edible Spray Paint




We did it all for the cookie

We've always associated cookies with a different part of a lady's anatomy, but boobies?  Here's the place to get 'em: FCup Cookies



How to Cook Your Dragon

We're not sure if this is made from real dragon or the spunk of a LARPER's wet dream but, either way, we're pretty sure it's going to taste like a Dragon's taint.  Get a can, here: Dragon Meat




Gummy Python

We always dreamt that if we were attacked by a giant python that he would be made of delicious gummy.  Buy that shit, here: Gummy Python



Time will fly with your new Gin & Whiskey Advent Calendar

Remember Christmas time when you made it two days before eating every chocolate santa in the family advent calendar?  Well, live that nostalgia again, like a big kid, by flying through the month with daily shots of artisanal gin or manly whiskey.  You're not an alcoholic you're just a chronophile.





Han Solo Carbonite Chocolate

Well, you know what they say "If you can't save 'im, eat 'im."





Unfortunate Cookies

No, these are not doused in arsenic, they just have fucked up fortunes.  By fucked up, we mean real, man.



X Rated Fortune Cookies

Although fortune cookies really are sexy enough, they have actually gotten sexier.  We saved a couple bucks by just improvising fucked up shit as we pretended to read our friends fortunes to them, like "Fuck you asshole" or "Poop face".  You're just a click away from a box of your own, here: X Rated Fortune Cookies








Colon Cleanser Hot Sauce

Genius, but the name is a bit repetitive, we believe it can be narrowed down to simply "Hot Sauce".  Get cleansing!  Buy it here: Colon Cleanser Hot Sauce





Edible Cups

No more picking glass out of your gums, now they've invented cups were actually made to be eaten.  It's a miracle!