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The Cracker Show


Episode Description:

Slapjaw Riggins and Bobby Jimmy Cumby are back and they've got a special guest to show you how to make some of the best cracker dishes this side of the Mason Dixon! Don't have any cheese?! No worries, Cheesus will be there when you need him!

Closed Captions:

Theme song: (Singing)

Bobby Jimmy: Hey there, y'all. Welcome to The Crakker Shoe, where all your cracker dreams come true. Today, we're going to learn how to make-

Wife: Slappy Joe Riggins, you'd best not be smoking crack with my good for nothing ex-husband.

Slappy Joe: No, baby. We're making crackers, not smoking crack.

Wife: You'd best better get your ass over and change Chanel's diaper.

Slappy Joe: I'll do it when I'm done with the show.

Wife: You'd better, you good for nothing lazy son of a bitch.

Bobby Jimmy: Damn, Slappy, you're whipped.

Wife: I heard that Bobby Jimmy. You'd best keep that cheese hole shut.

Slappy Joe: Can we make some food now, Bobby Jimmy? I got a poopy diaper to tend to.

Bobby Jimmy: Yeah, good idea. This is a little something I like to call the- God damnit, Denzel. Denzel, I done told you, cheese is people food. Road kill and Fruit Loops is for dogs.

Slappy Joe: What are we going to do now with no cheese?

Bobby Jimmy: God damn if I know.

Slappy Joe: Stop with the blasphemy.

Bobby Jimmy: I'm frustrated. We're out of cheese. What are we going to do?

Slappy Joe: Holy shit, it's Jesus.

Bobby Jimmy: Well, I'll be God damned. It is Jesus.

Jesus: No, cheesus.

Slappy Joe: Yeah, we know, Jesus.

Jesus: No, man, like Swiss cheesus. I bring you tidings of Swiss and mozzarella.

Bobby Jimmy: God, Jesus. You saved us.

Slappy Joe: Man, Bobby Jimmy, all that church going really paid off.

Bobby Jimmy: Sure did.

Jesus: I will be there when you need me.

Slappy Joe: Thank you, Jesus.

Bobby Jimmy: Thank you, Jesus.

Slappy Joe: Bye now.

Bobby Jimmy: Come on, Bobby Jimmy, we've got some stuff to do now. This is what I call the Italian Stallion.

Slappy Joe: [inaudible 00:02:19]. Holy cheese. This is what I like to call the Holy Porker.

Wife: Slappy Joe Riggins, you better get your ass over here. Chanel is stinking up a storm.

Bobby Jimmy: Well, I guess that's our queue to get out of here, folks. We don't want to piss off the dragon lady.

Wife: I heard that.

Voiceover: What the fuck you looking at? CCN.


Watching’s better than reading...nerd!
Hey, I worked on this video too! Credit Me
Slapjaw Riggins is... Pedro
Sound Dude is... Rudy P Botelho
Carl Spackler
Camera/Editing is... Carl Spackler
Bobby Jimmy Cumby is... Billa